Co-Dependents Anonymous, (CoDA) is a fellowship of men and women whose common purpose is to develop healthy relationships. The only requirement for membership is a desire for healthy and loving relationships. (Freewill offerings are the only cost.)
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Following are some characteristics codependents realize need attention:
I have difficulty identifying what I am feeling.
I minimize, alter, or deny how I truly feel.
I perceive myself as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others.
I lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others.
I can take care of myself without any help from others.
I mask my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation.
I express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways.
I do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom I am
I have difficulty making decisions.
I judge what I think, say, or do harshly, as never good enough.
I am embarrassed to receive recognition, praise, or gifts.
I value others' approval of my thinking, feelings, and behavior over my own.
I do not perceive myself as a lovable or worthwhile person.
I constantly seek recognition that I think I deserve.
I have difficulty admitting that I made a mistake.
I need to appear to be right in the eyes of others and will even lie to look good.
I am unable to ask others to meet my needs or desires.
I perceive myself as superior to others.
I look to others to provide my sense of safety.
I have difficulty getting started, meeting deadlines, and completing projects.
I have trouble setting healthy priorities.
I am extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long.
I compromise my own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger.
I put aside my own interests in order to do what others want.
I am hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings.
I am afraid to express my beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others.
I accept sexual attention when I want love.
I make decisions without regard to the consequences.
I give up my truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change
I believe most people are incapable of taking care of themselves.
I attempt to convince others what to think, do, or feel.
I freely offer advice and direction to others without being asked.
I become resentful when others decline my help or reject my advice.
I lavish gifts and favors on those I want to influence.
I use sexual attention to gain approval and acceptance.
I have to be needed in order to have a relationship with others.
I demand that my needs be met by others.
I use charm and charisma to convince others of my capacity to be caring and compassionate.
I use blame and shame to emotionally exploit others.
I refuse to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate.
I adopt an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes.
I use terms of recovery in an attempt to control the behavior of others.
I pretend to agree with others to get what I want
I act in ways that invite others to reject, shame, or express anger toward me.
I judge harshly what others think, say, or do.
I avoid emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a means of maintaining distance.
I allow my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships.
I use indirect and evasive communication to avoid conflict or confrontation.
I diminish my capacity to have healthy relationships by declining to use all the tools of recovery.
I suppress my feelings or needs to avoid feeling vulnerable.
I pull people toward me, but when they get close, I push them away.
I refuse to give up my self-will to avoid surrendering to a power that is greater than myself.
I believe displays of emotion are a sign of weakness.
I withhold expressions of appreciation.
The following Twelve Promises of Codependents Anonymous were assembled by CoDA members who had experienced these changes through attending meetings.
I know a new sense of belonging. The feeling of emptiness and loneliness will disappear.
I am no longer controlled by my fears. I overcome my fears and act with courage, integrity and dignity.
I know a new freedom.
I release myself from worry, guilt, and regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.
I know a new love and acceptance of myself and others. I feel genuinely lovable, loving and loved.
I learn to see myself as equal to others. My new and renewed relationships are all with equal partners.
I am capable of developing and maintaining healthy and loving relationships. The need to control and manipulate others will disappear as I learn to trust those who are trustworthy.
I learn that it is possible to mend - to become more loving, intimate and supportive. I have the choice of communicating with my family in a way which is safe for me and respectful of them.
I acknowledge that I am a unique and precious creation.
I no longer need to rely solely on others to provide my sense of worth.
I trust the guidance I receive from my higher power and come to believe in my own capabilities.
I gradually experience serenity, strength, and spiritual growth in my daily life.
The meetings within 40 miles of Harrisburg are listed below.
CoDA GROUP tue 7:00 PM United Methodist Church
200 E Middle Street Hanover PA 17331
MEN HEALING MEN CoDA GROUP sat 9:00 AM Community United Methodist Church
16th and Bridge Street New Cumberland PA 17070
MONDAY NIGHT CoDA GROUP Mon 6:00 PM St. Marks Lutheran Church
4200 Londonderry Road Harrisburg PA 17109
EPHRATA CoDA Wed 6:30 PM Hope United Methodist Church
3474 Rothsville Road Ephrata PA 17522
CHANGES Wed 7:30 PM Denny Building (Room 0015--basement)
199 West Hight Street (Corner of West High Street and West Street) Carlisle PA 17013
YORK CoDA Tue 7:00 PM St. Peter\'s Lutheran
947 North George Street York PA 17404
GETTYSBURG CODA Thurs 7:00 PM Unitarian Universalists of Gettysburg
136 S. Stratton Street Gettysburg PA 17325
KING STREET SERENITY GROUP Monday 6:30 The Harbor 55 W. King St. Shippensburg 17257
There is more information on these meetings on the web. Craigslist does not allow a direct link here but you can find it by searching for Codependents Anonymous. Once there, click on "Find Meetings" for contact and other information on these meetings as well as phone and online meetings. If no internet, call show contact info